Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Someone shattered a urinal.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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