I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
