i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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