I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
