her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
