the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
