: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
