we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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