If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
