have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
