Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
