I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
