Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
