I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
