There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
