I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
