I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
