Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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