so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
