Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
