Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
