During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
