I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
