The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize