I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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