This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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