A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
