Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
