Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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