I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
