Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
two words...techno handjob
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
