I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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