I can't watch pbs sober anymore
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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