Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
