Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
