ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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