just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize