I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
