I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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