I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
