good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize