I hate your face
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
