Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
