Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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