We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
