I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
