If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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