Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
