Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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