I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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